What PhD means

My take on what a PhD means:

  1. Partial/Permanent Health damage
  2. Partial/Permanent Hearing damage
  3. Partial/Permanent Heart damage
  4. Partially helping deforestation
  5. Permanent help desk
  6. Partial hormone (cycle) damage
  7. Poor Health diet

etc…

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Dark ages?

It has been rather hard these days to remain sane and stress free. We are faced with so many incidents portraying the unhappiness and and cruelty of human kind. The world is sick with the loss of natural habitats from over harvesting, from pollution and neglect. Human kind is suffering because these days the word “love” is just a word with no special meaning. I cannot even phantom the pain and suffering of people who are experiencing them every single day. Here I am in front of my computer with a room to myself, about to lament about the pain and frustrations of just having gone through stuff that pales in comparison to the others. Though it seems like these problems cannot even compare with actual pain/poverty/suffering, I am starting to feel a strain on my sanity.

It does not differ far when I say that “love” is lost. I live in a multi-racial, multi-religious country, where it has been instilled upon us that everyone is equal in this city state. However, there are cases of conflicts. Conflicts between neighbors. Conflicts that have no strong origins but just exist for the sake of existing. Everything takes 2 hands to clap. If one is unwilling, then the willing party should not force. Sadly, it’s not so simple. The daily tiny annoyances built up and up until the control snaps. I live in an apartment (with my parents) that is guarded by a security company. It is governed by a set of by-laws which ensure the peace and quiet among this small village of about 300+ units. And naturally one of the by-laws is the keeping of peace (literally) at times when people need their rest the most. And it was implied that the duties of the employed security guards should be able to help regulate the peace and tranquility of the neighborhood.  HOWEVER! It has been rather interesting to note that the residents have been on the receiving end of rudeness and unwillingness to help (just) inform rowdy children or noisy party-goers to keep their level of noise down. In turn, the residents become the victims and have to endure bouts of rudeness/accusations from the guards. So what love is there?

Similarly at work. Dealing with a supervisor who makes you feel so much worse about yourself after every work meeting. The dedication put in, the sweat, the tears, all seemed to rank zero in the supervisor’s eye. Because to him/her, that is what you were supposed to do. Proposed projects were deemed to be naive and not worthy to attempt. Yet few months after that, the previously rejected projects were given the green light. And if those projects were successful, the credit goes to the supervisor. Statement made with mixed meanings, called out on those mixed meanings, got sent to the “principal’s office”. Except there is no principal and there is no office but rather you just get picked on for identifying the mixed meanings. Seeking clarifications could even sometimes result in a court room fight, except that almost 99% of the time you come out defeated. It sucks. Especially when the instinct that drove you to challenge the supervisor is sound. Instead you do, you try, you follow the way… And you fail. Presented the “results” and was countered by, “why didn’t you fight for the things that you believed in?” And the whole cycle repeats, you try to clarify, you try to defend yourself but nope. You are just digging a deeper grave for yourself. My supervisor claimed support. That I am being supported in my decisions. I always wondered if I had lack an antenna to receive those kind of good support my Sup was talking about.

My eyes are closing. My heart is heavy. I should just zip these thoughts real tight and go to bed. Hoping that when I wake up. Maybe, just maybe, the world would have a little bit more love infused.