How do you know which is the real you?

Here’s the thing. I have been getting vibes that I have some friends who are so fake that I am gagging thinking about them. But yet, I cannot seem to establish a clean escape from them. I mean I feel sick in my stomach, trying to put up the same degree of fakeness as they are putting up. So much so, I’m criticising everything and everyone because I cannot bring myself to admit to these people that I am tired of their facades. 

Truth is, how do you tell which are the real friends, and how can you separate the reals from the fakes? And how can one feel okay inside when interacting with the fakes? I mean there should be any animosity between people. But every single time I meet them, I am cringing inside with the statements they make, the things they are discussing. And every time I speak up, either I get dismissed or refuted for even saying things that are facts in certain ways. 

How do you tell a group of people that you don’t wish to hang out with them all the time because they also are not even bothered whether you are there or not? How do you vocalise how much you hate being the second fiddle, the second option to everything that is being planned or discussed?

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With all the above said, how do you tell if they are the normal ones or if you are the normal one? How can you be so sure that they are the problem and not you? How is it possible that a group of friends are able to make one person feel so small inside, so unsure of who he/she is inside? Is it because this person is not strong inside and is rather easily manipulated to play along?? If that is so, then isn’t the situation the person rather than the friends? If truly so, how can one save thyself? 

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It is tiring to think so much and be doubtful. It feels even worse when one individual of the group used to be your confidant. 

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